My Black Rock Wedding
by Steph
How Did I Get Here? When I leaned over to whisper in Andrew's ear while squished in an
IHOP booth in Reno Nevada, I had no idea whether I wanted to really
do what I was about to propose; since that's basically what I was
about to do. At that moment, memories of the past month flashed through
my head, all the long nights of talking and lusting, confidences,
tears, and bliss, all these came flooding over me. I also recalled
holding the five-year-old I nannied in my lap, and how when I leant
over to give Andrew a quick kiss she looked up at me and asked, 'Are
you going to marry him?' and without thinking I had replied, 'Sure,
why not.' Now you may be asking yourself, “How can someone propose and
not know if they want to be married?” Quite easily, if you’re
not taking it seriously. I have always loved a good party and weddings
are usually great parties. I even enjoy ritual when it's not cloaked
in heavy amounts of dogma and remains fresh, vital, and relevant to
those involved. These preferences partly explain how I came to find
myself in an IHOP booth contemplating a haphazard proposal to my boyfriend.
You see, we were on our way to Burning Man. A festival of intense,
experimental, artistic anarchy that comes in the form of a temporary
city, built in one of the harshest climates on the earth for only
a week. Having attended Burning Man two other years, I generally knew what to expect.
Lots of heat, dust and incredible opportunities to create, destroy and explore
various realms of myself and my boundaries. And was I ever excited to be going
back. For Andrew, this was his first time. We had prepared food, costumes and
articles for trading (nothing is for sale, only for barter on the desert floor,
affectionately known as the playa), but we were never quite prepared for the
intensity of our feelings for each other and our sudden need to be fully committed
and devoted. Now back to the IHOP, where I leant over and asked, 'So are we going
to do it?' His reply, 'Sure, why not.' It's very easy to get married in the state of Nevada, almost too
easy. For the low price of $50 and the display of two driver's licenses,
anyone can walk into the city hall between eight a.m. and midnight
and walk out with a wedding license. During the weeks before heading
South, I had jokingly mentioned that we should get hitched. My reasons,
I had never done it and it would be fun. For years I had prepared
my family for disappointment, I would never do the big church wedding,
heck I didn't even believe that marriages could actually work, and
the notion that one person would be able to put up with me ‘forever’
seemed ridiculous. Yet somehow, there I was, early morning Reno Nevada,
August 27 2001, clutching a wedding license and beating a path to
our rented SUV. Black Rock City, Nevada We didn't mention our plans to any of the friends we were camped
with or saw on our journeys around the city. Instead we had made plans
to 'marry'our friends in a mock ceremony at some point during the
week. At Burning Man you can find almost every service you would find
in the 'normal' world, but twisted into something very strange. You
need Boy Scouts, there’s a troupe of them. Join up and try to
get demerit badges in activities such as lap dancing or being a bitchy
neighbour and triumph in their slogan of 'Be Impaired'. The same goes
with churches and wedding chapels. Every year, more and more denominations
spring up offering their services. Early our first morning on the playa, Andrew and I came across the Black Rock
Wedding Chapel, complete with it’s own 7 foot Elvis head and a spin-a-vow
wheel that resembled the one on Wheel of Fortune. This was the place. We knew
it the moment we saw it. Only question was, did they have real ministers that
could perform a legally binding service? As our luck would have it, three out
of the four people that built the chapel were ministers with the Church of Universal
Love, registered in the State of Nevada, and willing to perform a ceremony for
us. At this point I began to contemplate what I was doing. We had already decided
that we would keep the marriage a secret from our friends and family
for the next year, and just tell them on our anniversary. This satisfied
three goals, one) that we not be questioned, since we had only been
together just over a month, two) if it didn’t work out then
no harm or embarrassment done, and three) it seemed a rather trickster
thing to do. With the date set for Friday August 31st at sunset we
began to make the rest of the wedding plans which gave us some distraction
from really engaging with the real life possibilities of what we were
about to do. As the days moved on I realized that I did want to be married for
real. I wanted to commit myself fully to Andrew who was the most incredible
person I had ever encountered. I started wanting to build a life with
someone and create a bond that went beyond what trust could describe.
I felt I was in a minor quandary, here I was feeling a yearning for
established notions of commitment and monogamy, but I didn't want
to express myself in a traditional way during our wedding. Neither
did Andrew. We were lucky enough to find bachelor and bachelorette parties going
on Wednesday night for another couple that we could just join in with.
We also managed to procure Black Rock's only magical taxi to shuttle
us to Friday's service. Everything just seemed to fall into place
including our intention to make this a real marriage. In my mind,
this decision was cemented when Andrew looked me deep in the eyes
one night and told me that he did want to commit and could not be
with anyone else. Waking up Friday morning in our tie-dyed dome I began to get excited.
We had chosen our wedding outfits from costumes we brought with us.
As we made amulets from sand dollars, crystals, stones and hand blown
marbles that were playa gifts, the reality of our wedding began to
set in. That day Andrew asked the next door neighbour who he had bonded
with to be the best man. At this point we had given up the decision
to keep our nuptials a secret and told a select few, the rest would
be told at the service or when we got back home. I was lucky enough
to have three of my close friends attending Burning Man, so I felt
happy that our community would bless our love. I would also have three
of the most interesting and diverse looking bridesmaids I've ever
seen. The Wedding After downing a shot of tequila each Andrew and I climbed into the
taxi and were off to the chapel. When we arrived there was a fluster
of activity, friends arriving and gathering, the ministers making
last minute checks with us, and many shocked faces as we told them
we were getting legally married. As the dust settled and the sun began
it's decent, Andrew and I stood surrounded by friends and the ministers
in front of the large Elvis head. Dressed in my 'Princess Leia' outfit and clutching a mismatched bouquet
of blinking roses and dusty blooms given to me by friends and neighbours,
I felt in awe of my sexy partner in his homemade fractal pants and
pink cowboy hat. We had managed to put together a wedding that felt
fun and special to us in four days, without much stress and with no
disagreements. Many of our friends still in shock at our announcement
observed our happiness with yells of encouragement and smiles as wide
as canyons. Much to the consternation of our ministers, we had chosen to recite
the Elvis vows they kept for mock ceremonies. With silly promises
of not stepping on his 'blue suede shoes', or treating him like a
'hound dog', I vowed that he would always be 'my teddy bear'. Andrew
promised to 'love me tender' and never leave me at the 'heartbreak
hotel' and to always be my 'hunk-a hunk-a burnin love'. These vows
delivered in full Elvis style elicited laughs and grins from us and
the crowd that had gathered during the ceremony. While posing for
pictures with our friends I realized that this was the wedding I had
always dreamed of, despite that realistically with all of the luck
and randomness, our wedding could have never been planned exactly
this way. Feeling the craziness of being at Burning Man for the week,
combined with the intensity of our connection and the joy of our simple
ceremony, I was overwhelmed with a sense of euphoria that is always
better when shared with those you love. We certainly didn't have a 'traditional' wedding, but we created
a meaningful ritual that worked for us on many levels. We've been
told repeatedly by different people that ours was the best wedding
they have ever attended. Our friend Kodiak who photographed the wedding
wrote that our ceremony was 'full of life and love'. It was also full
of a lot of our personalities. We managed to keep the parts that worked
for us within the traditional marriage ceremony; a gathering of friends,
a legally binding ceremony, a bouquet of flowers to toss, vows, an
exchange of love tokens and of course the kissing of the bride. But
we also managed to make it an expression of ourselves by creating
our own amulets, wearing what made us feel special and comfortable,
and keeping the ceremony full of life and fun as well as short. After the wedding we co-opted the Black Rock Boy Scout's Mamboree and
turned it into a wedding reception. To end off our streak of 'planning'luck,
the Boy Scouts had a cake, which we ceremoniously borrowed as our wedding
cake and fed each other pieces in the traditional way. Like most things
and events on the playa our wedding was magical, strange and once in a
lifetime experience, afterall, not everyone gets a free wedding cake that
says 'ASS'.
